


Operation Girlfriend

by gurj14



Category: Birds of Prey (And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (2020)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Crack, Mentions of Sex, Swearing, brief mention of past dinah/oliver, renee is a milf, sex injury?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:48:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25351156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gurj14/pseuds/gurj14
Summary: set post movie: crime is mellow and Helena has the hookup part down. but the rest?
Relationships: Helena Bertinelli/Dinah Lance, Pamela Isley/Harleen Quinzel
Comments: 19
Kudos: 163





	Operation Girlfriend

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stoveek](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stoveek/gifts), [konako](https://archiveofourown.org/users/konako/gifts).



> Inspired by these incredible cute and hilarious art pieces done by Konako
> 
> https://konako.tumblr.com/post/623218547788742656
> 
> https://konako.tumblr.com/post/620558633265250304

//

Helena had a  _ lot  _ of free time on her hands these days. 

Crime fighting was usually nine to five (pm to am, not am to pm), and even that was getting a little sparse because the fact that ‘The Crossbow Killer’ was not above killing criminals tended to scare a lot of them away from crime. That, and rumours that her arrows were accompanied by ‘demonic screams that burst eardrums’ because Dinah had been practising her powers a lot more to control them and… she tended to burst eardrums. 

Basically, between risking deafness or an arrow in the jugular (or both), most goons were picking career changes (a lot of smoothie stands seemed to pop up all of a sudden). 

On top of scaring many goons straight, everyone had heard the rumours that Harley Quinn had ‘killed The Joker’ and single handedly ‘destroyed the Injustice League’ and really, why Renee had been surprised about that Helena had no clue: Harley was  _ exactly  _ the type of crazy that would blow up the Penguin’s lair with tootsie roll bombs and confetti. 

Revenge was a big driving force for anyone, just ask her and her fifteen years of crossbow-somersault-assassin-training in ill-fitted tracksuits. She was a revenge fucking  _ pro _ . And, from what Helena knew of The Joker, Harley had every right to do a whole lot worse to him than ‘kick him in the dick and set him on fire’ (it was reportedly a bubblegum pink fire). 

After more than half a year in Gotham of crime-fighting her way passed her accomplished vengeance of the Bertinelli Massacre exactly how she envisioned it (killer costume, perfect lines like ‘They call me Huntress!’, arrows of the finest steel, her new wall-kick-spin-arrow-in-your-throat move, the right contour and blend of her limited edition eyeshadow palette): Helena was  _ bored _ . 

Having accomplished her family's revenge and bulldozed through into a feared vigilante she had been always on the go. 

Now, the nine to five was less ‘crime fighting nights of the punching and kicking and killing variety’ and more ‘nights of sighing in the industrialized top notch warehouse she had procured for The Birds of Prey and watching Renee and Dinah on their phones laughing and waiting for the scanner to pick something up’ variety. 

Crime fighting was fun, when there was crime to fight. But when you were really good at it there was… well there was a lot of idle time. 

Renee, apparently, had found a skill to ‘hook up’ a lot with her idle time and Dinah was pretty much a mystery to Helena - albeit a very beautiful and annoying one. Always looking nice and smelling nice and teasing her. 

Harley had shacked up with Poison Ivy and Helena liked that they had her over for dinners even though Ivy ‘accidentally’ poisoned her one time because she felt threatened by Harley’s recount of their motorcycle/rollerblade adventure. 

Helena was  _ so bored _ . Everyone had found out what to do but her. Even her adopted assassin family was growing their olives, content to have fulfilled their mission to train her in the art of Sicilian Killing. 

Even  _ Cass _ had her own crew (though all they did was skateboard and con people and eat large amounts of candy). Helena felt very confused with her identity. 

Who was she without Huntress? She was pretty sure she was gay but… well… she had to have more to her identity than that, right? 

And her ‘gay crisis’ was absolutely  _ not  _ because of Dinah’s lack of clothing or nice, dimpled smile, or pretty brown eyes, or melodious laugh - no she was not at all confused with having a friend that made her feel warm and nervous and wonder what boobs tasted like! She was confused because she didn’t know what to do on the nights she used to fight crime and everyone else seemed to have a life and Harley and Ivy were in love and... yeah. She was human. She craved something. 

There was only so much working out she could do, only so many practice arrows she could shoot with somersault combinations and...and… only so many tracksuits that accommodated her purple and black colour scheme before she needed to go shopping and even then only so many stores that accommodated her particular tastes (it had to be the right shade of purple),  _ and  _ there were only so many ways to ignore Dinah’s pretty face which were all the above things to do.

It was a vicious cycle. 

“Go punch the bag,” Dinah suggested, an amused glint in her eye as she looked up from her phone to acknowledge Helena’s bored sigh. 

“No, I don’t want to punch the bag.” She crossed her arms and sunk further into the couch. “I already punched it.” 

“Shoot some arrows.” Renee offered without looking up from her phone. 

Helena huffed. She didn’t want to shoot arrows either.

“How about riding your motorcycle?” Dinah had a teasing glint in her eyes and Helena  _ hated _ when Dinah did that. It always made her heart race. She groaned. 

“Is that all you think I fucking do?”

“Pretty much.” 

Helena glared harder. Just because it  _ was pretty  _ much all she did didn’t mean she liked the smug way Dinah said it or the lush curve of her soft lips. 

Then Renee cheered, “score! Got a hot date.” 

“What are you guys doing?” Helena was curious. Her phone only had Candy Crush, and she had recently broken it in anger when she lost all of her lives. Level 259 had bested her  _ yet again _ . 

Basically, she was phone-less and crime-less. 

“Eh… looking at some cute boots,” Dinah fluttered her eyelashes a little and then looked back down at her phone. “I feel like I could pull off blue. Or black? Helena, you prefer black don’t you?”

Helena  _ hated  _ it when Dinah fluttered her eyelashes like that. It was distracting. It made her feel all weird and gooey inside. 

“Black is nice,” she mumbled, actively looking away from Dinah, “but you can pull off anything.” 

“Hmm,” Dinah sighed before chuckling and winking, “once you go black, you never go back amiright!” 

Helena gulped. She reached for her bottle of water and took a long, long swallow. 

“Ever since I buffed up from all this running around with you two, I get a lot of MILF requests I need to keep up with on my  _ Her  _ app _ , _ ” Renee sounded like she was bragging but Helena only understood thirty percent of that sentence. 

She furrowed her brows and mumbled, “Milf? Her app? What’s that? What’s a ‘milf’ request?”

Was it an app game she could do, considering Candy Crush fucking sucked? Boredom suddenly had hope.

“How are you the youngest bitch on this team,” Renee looked up from her phone with raised eyebrows, amused and clearly having a laugh at Helena’s expense.

Helena was offended, “because I was born before your 80’s cop ass, fuck you Renee!” 

Renee laughed loudly at her outburst and Helena grumbled. All she got was jokes at her expense. All the fucking time. 

“Are you going to explain it to me or just laugh?”

Renee answered by just laughing. 

“Ohhh let me let me,” Dinah put her phone down and smiled brightly at Helena, her damn eyelashes fluttering again. 

Helena really didn’t like how the boiling rage in her quietened down. While she liked when Dinah gave her attention and explained things (it was nice) she really didn’t like how much power Dinah had on her moods. 

“MILF, spelt M-I-L-F, stands for ‘mother I’d like to fuck’ and Renee means she’s meeting women online, through this app called ‘Her,’ who want to fuck her becase she is a MILF.” 

“I used to resent it and now I indulge it,” Renee smugly waves her phone before high-fiving Dinah, “and now I got a hot date downtown, so if anything comes up on the scanner just shoot me a text.”

Helena’s jaw dropped open in wild, disgusted shock, “girls want to fuck you like they want to fuck their mother? That’s fucking  _ disgusting _ !”

To her horror, Dinah and Renee erupted into much louder laughter.

“Fuck  _ no  _ crossbow,” Renee’s laughter dies down and she wipes a tear from her eye. Though Helena glowers at Dinah who is still laughing so hard she smacks the desk. 

“Look, I’m over fifty now. It’s a hookup app, MILF just means I’m older age but hot as fuck.” 

Helena turned her face away as she yelled out because of their laughter, “fuck you both!” 

“Aww, come on,” Dinah sinks next to her on the couch and Helena really hates how much she loves attention from Dinah. It was shameful. 

Also, it was exactly what she knew would happen after showing some rage and she may have raged on purpose. She was shameless. 

Dinah places a hand on her thigh, “look, Renee needs to get laid so she isn’t such a fucking grumpy drunk all the time-”

“Fuck you Lance, fuck you.” Renee was waving her car keys at her. 

“- and things have slowed down a lot. We  _ are  _ all allowed to have some fun, Helena. Though Renee needs to get checked out for STDs.” 

A paperclip hit Dinah in the face. 

Helena sighed, “I need a mission. I’ve always had a mission.”

“Let’s go out for a drink, just the two of us? Have some fun? Renee can go get laid and cradle rob-”

“ _ Fuck _ you Lance.” Renee was out of the door but insulted with love, “you two kids have fun now! Make sure you walk Huntress home for her curfew!” 

“- and we can also find you a new phone. Seriously. You just needed to wait five minutes for a new life on Candy Crush, you didn’t have to break it like that.” 

That warm hand on her thigh and the promising invite for alone time with Dinah was how Helena found herself coughing after a particularly nasty shot of vodka in Dinah’s ‘favourite bar’ (which was the bar near Dinah’s apartment and convenient for walking distance).

“Gross.” Helena scowled at the empty shot glass. 

Dinah was giggling beside her and her body was very close, “so tell me H, you’re always so punchy, stabby, and crossbow trigger happy… what stuff do you like to do for fun?”

“I like to fight. And shoot my crossbow. I like shopping… oh! I got a new motorcycle!” 

Dinah rolled her eyes with a fond smile and fluttered her lashes. Helena leaned into her, warm and fuzzy. 

“Other than that. Come on, TV? Movies? Music? Food? Hobbies? Lay it out, we’ve been busting kneecaps for most of the year together you’d think I’d know more about you than your shopping habit, your motorcycle fetish, and your lack of online dating.” 

Helena had never done  _ any _ dating, let alone online. She didn’t need Dinah to know that: that might affect her chances to get Dinah to date her. 

It was a side project. More like, wishful thinking. But the ten percent chance of Dinah finding her dateable was worth exploring (she had overheard Dinah tell Harley she would ‘bang Ivy, marry Huntress, and kill Harley in some kind of game they were playing). 

“I like Italian TV, Italian movies, Italian food, and Italian music.”

Dinah gives her a look and when she notices the smirk Helena has, she bursts into laughter, “you’re funny.” 

Helena shrugs, heart racing under the smile directed at her. She liked when Dinah gave her that special smile, and she liked when Dinah laughed at her jokes. She had been waiting to use that particular one for a while (she had practiced it in her mirror). 

“I don’t know, I like the way your eyes reflect gold… you’re really pretty… ” Helena doesn’t realise she’s said it out loud with no filter until Dinah’s shocked and confused face is greeting her. 

“Uh, I’m drunk,” Helena back tracks, feeling hot and clammy as a slow smile spread along Dinah’s lips. “Didn’t mean to say that out loud… can you just forget it?”

“Oh?” Dinah reaches forward to brush some hair from her forehead and her forehead burns from the touch, “so tell me do you really like my pants or what's  _ in _ my pants?”

Helena gulped. Why did she agree to so much alcohol? She knows better. The last time she drank this much she had let Harley ride her motorcycle. There was a reason she recently had to buy a new one. 

“I only had  _ one  _ sex dream about you,” Helena defends, very insulted as Dinah throws her head back in amused laughter from her confession. “This week. Fuck! I did  _ not  _ mean to say that part!” 

“You have sex dreams about me,  _ Huntress _ ?” And Dinah was suddenly very close, no longer laughing and entirely sultry. Unfiltered and drunk. “How sweet.” 

//

Helena was dizzy and it wasn’t just the alcohol anymore. Every touch of Dinah’s lips was setting her on fire and she felt lightheaded. 

“Mmm your lips are so soft,” Dinah said before kissing her again. They had been kissing for a very long time. 

Helena made a noise when a soft tongue caressed her own. She was tongue kissing  _ Dinah Lance _ outside Dinah Lance’s apartment and… wait no, now they were inside the apartment and her back was being pushed against a wall. 

How did they get here? What exactly happened? Did it matter? No. She just followed Dinah’s lead. 

“You’re so hot, you know that?” Dinah smirked into her mouth before taking a step back and dropping the leather jacket from her shoulders to the ground. Helena swallowed, as the crop top Dinah had been wearing was revealed, along with toned arms and outrageous ornaments of jewelry (and some bonafide cleavage). 

Dinah fluttered her eyelashes in  _ that  _ way and Helena groaned. She may be a virgin but she definitely knew what was happening in her pants right now. 

“Want to take this brawl to the bedroom,  _ Huntress _ ?” Dinah trailed a finger on her neck, breathed warmth in her ear and close enough for the softness of skin on her skin to burn. 

Fucking  _ rude _ . 

Helena stepped forward to pull Dinah and her addictive lips back into her own by her captivating hips, not sure what she was doing but very sure she wanted to keep doing this thing where their tongues glided in delicious harmony. 

“This is so fucking hot,” Helena bit out in a gasp. 

Dinah moaned her approval and tugged her forcefully. Helena closed her eyes and fumbled forward until her body was shoved, rather forcefully, to fall against a mattress. She hardly had time to make sense of what was happening before Dinah was removing her crop top and tight pants and finally showing her what she had always wondered was underneath. 

(Helena thanked God out loud in Sicillian, not wanting Dinah to know this was an answer to her prayers.)

This time when Dinah kissed her there was more urgency to it, and Helena lost the last of her logical mind when Dinah climbed over her and kissed her  _ this  _ way. 

She followed Dinah’s body and cues, let herself be undressed - which holy shit having Dinah undress her was hot! - and being guided under thin bed sheets for a sensory overload of skin on skin. 

//

“Are you sure that was good for you?” Helena  _ had  _ to triple check.

While Dinah had already said it was good, and then repeated it when Helena asked again, still, Helena  _ needed  _ to know Dinah enjoyed it so she knew exactly what to do again next time when she was sober. 

Not that she was just going to  _ assume  _ there would be a next time, but she really needed to prepare. She had a new mission now: learn sex. With Dinah specifically. 

“Total ‘A’ plus, Helena can you fucking sleep now?” Is what Dinah drunkenly mumbles as she cuddles Helena closer and tries to sleep off her exhausted body. 

Helena smirks, proud of herself, and letting sleep claim her drunk body too. 

//

“I’m so fucked,” Dinah fixed the massive sunglasses on her face and yawned before sipping from the takeout coffee in her hand. “Ugh. Do you have aspirin considering you’re hungover ninety percent of the time?”

Renee was still laughing. 

“Fucking hell, Lance. So she was just gone? Like houdini?”

“Like, I would be convinced I imagined the whole thing but my bra was stuck to the ceiling fan so…”

Renee chuckled and shook her head. “Well, she is phone-less. Good luck trying to call her. So, does she fuck like she kills? All business?” 

“Fuck off, Renee.” Dinah refused to acknowledge that Huntress did, indeed, fuck like killed. With precision. 

“You’re the one who was wondering, now you have your answer,” Renee elbowed her and reminding Dinah of a very revealing drunken ramble she had voiced months ago. “Was it just sex? I swear that girl has heart eyes for you, poor soul.”

“She fucking kills people, Renee, she’s not losing sleep over a one night stand.” 

“This is Bertinelli we are talking about, remember how sad she was when Harley crashed her bike?”

Dinah sighed longingly, recalling her drunken hookup, “Yeah… actually she was pretty gentle and careful…  _ a really _ good kisser too. Like, I could kiss her for hours.” 

“Oh my god you  _ like  _ her,” Renee turned to her, accusatory hands on her hips. “You, the self proclaimed ‘I don’t do relationships because they suck,’ fucking  _ like  _ her.” 

“Shut up.” 

“Canary and Huntress sitting in a tree, F-U-C-K-I-N-G!” 

“I’m going to fucking tell every  _ single  _ one of your hookups you have syphilis, you bitch.” 

“I have aspirin.” 

“...I love you.” 

//

“You came to the right place doll,” Harley passed her a tea cup in a saucer that had spiced rum in it. It was a tea party but with rum in the teapot. 

“Egh,” Helena spat the rum she had sipped back out into her cup, having expected actual tea to be inside, and put it down before gulping in terror when a  _ very threatening _ plant vine coiled around the back of the couch and touched her neck. “Um. What’s up Ivy? How’s life?”

Considering Ivy had tried to poison her before, Helena exercised caution. 

“Don’t ‘what’s up Ivy’ me, Bertinelli. Just because you finally got laid doesn’t mean you need to stop  _ me  _ from getting laid.” 

“Ivy, this is huge okay? Huntress needs us to be compassionate and understanding, babe.” Harley admonished her. 

“She couldn’t call first? We’ve been planning this day for weeks. Cassandra is literally not coming back until dinner so we could have some alone time!”

“Harley told me to drop by whenever I wanted to,” Helena warily eyes the thorns near her neck, and then she pouted at Harley (a strategic calculation) to get her to control her poison-friendly girlfriend, “and I broke my phone again...” 

“Aw! Ivy, leave her alone. Did it install a software update on you again?” Harley empathised, patting her shoulder, “I fed mine to a gator when it did that.” 

“Candy Crush level 259,” Helena glowered, eyes misty as she recalled the rage of emotion when it happened and the subsequent stomping of her heel to the phone screen. 

“Ugh I fucking hate that level,” Ivy retreated her thorn from Helena’s neck and sighed in peaceful solidarity. “Fine, but make it quick.”

“More rum tea?” Harley offered brightly, as if Helena hadn’t spat it out moments before. 

Helena shook her head, disgust clear. “No! Just tell me, what should I do?”

“So you and Canary fucked, was she good? She looks like she’d be good.”

“I guess?” Helena was confused, “it  _ felt  _ really good. And I asked her three times if she felt good and she agreed. We were drunk so I should ask her again now that we’re sober, right?”

“Oh. My. God.” Harley gasped dramatically, hands clasped in delight under her chin as an epiphany came to her, “Huntress! Was that your first time? Did you lose your V-card?”

“V-card?” Helena was confused, “I don't keep a V-card!” 

“Ohhhhhh I take it back,” Ivy’s eyes sparkled dangerously as she leaned forward in interest, “I want to hear  _ all _ about this.” 

Helena narrowed her eyes at Ivy, “is this like that time you tricked me into killing a guy who hit on Harley? Are you tricking me again?”

“I would never,” Ivy said, unconvincingly. “This is sisterhood, Huntress. So… tell me, did Dinah give you your first orgasm?”

“No, Helena’s masturbated before,” Harley says proudly, “we discussed that in one of our therapy sessions.” 

“No we haven’t!” Helena’s jaw dropped. “We don’t even do therapy sessions!”

“Um, your obsession with motorcycle riding? How you  _ obviously  _ speed to experience the vibrations between your legs? Who hasn’t done that?”

“Please tell me you never did that on my bike!” 

“Fine I won't tell you,” Harley said. 

Helena was horrified. It was bad enough Harley totaled her bike. 

“So let me get this straight, you’ve trained how to kill people sixty-nine ways but you’ve never sixty-nined in your life?” Ivy was smirking at her, cackling away. 

“I can kill people way more than sixty-nine ways!” 

“Oh! This is-” Ivy doubled over in laughter, “-oh my god, oh my god.  _ Please  _ tell me Canary has no clue she deflowered you, I want to be the one to tell her. Payback for when she spilled wine on my white rug.” 

“How do I get her to date me?” Helena was getting impatient, not understanding why this was so funny. This was serious. 

“This is so exciting! We can go on double dates!” Harley clapped in excitement and daydreaming, “we can rob the Gotham museum together. It’s a four person job. Then a movie. Or dinner, whatever.” 

Helena was suspicious of their methods, but Harley and Ivy were the lesser of two evils in this scenario the (other being Renee and what Helena knew would be a lot of teasing and laughter and probably ‘milf’ advice). 

“Start from the beginning, what happened?” Harley sipped her rum tea with serious interest. 

“Well, we kissed a lot and then got undressed-”

“Not that part dumbass,” Ivy snickered. 

“That’s the best part, Ivy,” Harley pouted. 

Blushing, Helena continued, “We had sex. I made sure to leave before she woke up without making a sound. What techniques should I learn for sex? I think, based on how it happened, it’s just like any other martial art. I need to practice.” 

Ivy burst into another round of laughter and Helena felt her anger grow. 

“You fucked her, scratch that, you  _ drunk  _ hooked up with one of your  _ only  _ friends and left her alone in the morning without talking to her or getting coffee?” Ivy wiped a tear from her eye and laughed. 

“I didn’t want to disturb her sleep! She looked peaceful!” Helena yelled, glaring at Ivy. 

“Cold, Huntress. Cold.” Harley took another sip of rum. 

Helena pouted, slouching down in her seat. “W-Was I supposed to stay?”

“Yes you were,” Ivy cackled, still clutching her stomach, “I take it back. You  _ do  _ need help.” 

“Okay Huntress,” Harley stood up pointing a finger at her, “pay close attention. This is what you do. Let me get some paper and draw you some diagrams, and then we can proceed.” 

//

“Dinah!” Dinah paused the bite of her bagel to raise her eyebrow at Cass. 

Cass and her little team of skateboarder hooligans liked to skate around the neighbourhood eating candy. She refrained from commenting too much about her ‘crew’, Cass did get straight A’s in school nowadays and had not been caught by any authorities. 

“Hey kid. Missed you last week at Sunday dinner.” 

“Ugh I know,” Cass hugged her side briefly and kicked her skateboard’s end with her foot so it shot up into her palm, “so guess what.” 

“What?” Dinah affectionately knocked her snapback. 

Cass smirked, mischievous and teasing. “I know something.” 

Dinah narrowed her eyes, “out with it.” 

Instead of saying anything Cass handed her a phone of text exchanges with Harley - actually just a string of unanswered ones from Harley - and Dinah read them, her cheeks getting redder and redder as each line was clear. 

_ breaking news kid, huntress and canary did the sex _

_ i gave you the sex talk rite?  _

_ Anyhoo can you grab me some tampons and steal a new phone? huntress broke her last one  _

_ if you run into canary tell her I’m proud of her and the only reason she got into those tight leather pants first is because I have a possessive girlfriend who doesn’t believe in threesomes unless we include a plant  _

_ and give her a high five _

_ also huntress is here asking me for advice on girls and it’s taking a fucking long time so can you bring us some dinner later thanks _

_ Xoxoxoxox _

_ Also did you email sawyer about the c4 _

Dinah handed the phone back, refusing to make eye contact with Cass’s smirking face. 

“Um.” Yeah, she really could not backtrack out of that one. Cass knew way too much about everyone’s sex life, and not for the first time Dinah was questioning her ability to be a good role model. 

“I think I’m supposed to high five you,” Cass giggled when Dinah knocked her hat off her head. 

“Fuck,” Dinah pinched the bridge of her nose. 

“I’ll see you at Sunday dinner with your  _ girlfriend _ !” Cass sticks her tongue out and takes a running start before hitting the pavement with her skateboard. Dinah sighs. That little shit. 

Once Cass was out of sight, Dinah groaned in embarrassment. Next time she saw Helena she was going to  _ fucking kill  _ her. Why was she running off to tell Harley about their hookup and broadcasting it? 

//

Helena turned off the engine of her motorcycle, removing her helmet and eyeing the side wall of Dinah’s apartment. She did this because if the window was open, Dinah was home. If the window was closed, Dinah was not home. 

Harley had been very detailed with the diagrams and Helena gave herself a nod of confidence when she saw that the window  _ was _ open.

That was good. But there was a shadow that gave her pause. That was not good. 

She held her breath and quietly slipped away from her bike to watch a hidden figure attach an arrow to the window, with what looked like cable. They hooked their bow on the cable and Helena’s eyes narrowed dangerously. 

Some  _ loser  _ with a bow and arrow was trying to zipline into Dinah’s apartment window!

Feeling very protective of her friend (was Dinah just her friend now, or her girlfriend? Or how did that work when you have a drunk hookup?), Helena swiftly removed the compact crossbow she kept strapped on her thigh this evening (she had been at Harley and Ivy’s, she never went to their place without arming herself) and aimed at the cable on the window before shooting it with her professional marksmanship. 

The cable cut and snapped it’s hold from her precise aim, and the figure who had been trying to creep into the window yelped - a distinct male yelp - before tumbling into the metal trash bins loudly in the alleyway. 

“What the fuck!?” Dinah peeked her head out of the window to glare suspiciously in the alley before seeing Helena’s crossbow and the figure groaning in the bins. She slammed her window sill shut and, presumably, rushed down to join them. 

“Ow fuck, ow,” the man who pushed himself away from the garbage and metal stumbled and rubbed his aching backside before turning to face Helena. “Who the hell are you?”

Helena scoffed, lowering her crossbow to reload it and eyeing his… green tights?

“The crossbow killer!” He seemed to realise, seeing her crossbow and noticing she had taken out his cable with it. He took a fighting stance, bow and arrow suddenly notched at the ready, “I heard you were shooting arrows in people all over Gotham... Should have known you would tail me when I’m here.” 

Helena’s ‘who the fuck are you?’ is lost on her tongue when green-tights’s arrow burst into a fiery flame on it’s notch. 

Huh. She had to admit, fire arrows were cool. 

“Boo.” He releases it and she dodges it (easily) with one of her practiced somersaults before throwing a knife - mid sault to disguise it’s trajectory - and taking the string out of his bow. 

“Uh…” he looks dumbly at his broken bow and by the time he can look up, Helena has already thrown a punch in his solar plexus, twisted his arm in a painful grip to lock it, and flipped him over her shoulder and onto his back with her crossbow at his throat. 

He’s too winded to scream in pain but Helena has executed this maneuver enough to know she’s got him dead for rights and now he will be answering why he was sneaking into Dinah’s room to attack her, Dinah who ran into the alleyway stepped in between them. 

“Helena let him go,” Dinah was punching the crossbow down. 

“What? Dinah, this weirdo in tights was trying to sneak into your bedroom!” 

“Seriously, Oliver?” Dinah acknowledged that she knew the guy by using his name and Helena lowered her crossbow in confusion. 

“Hey! Secret identity Lance!” 

“You know this loser?” Helena didn’t care for his name but the familiarity between them was somehow infuriating. 

“‘Woah, fuck you,” the man wiggled out of her hold with a wince, “you know The Crossbow Killer?”

“ _ Not _ my name.” Helena grit out. 

“It’s Huntress, Oliver,” Dinah said, soothing Helena’s temper by correcting him and making her blush, too. “And he’s not a loser, Helena, come on. He’s a friend.” 

“He has a fucking bow and arrow he just tried to zipline into your window with, and he’s wearing green spandex!” 

She may have been isolated in Sicily for fifteen years but even she knew spandex was  _ never _ in. 

Amused, Dinah could not stop the snort that escaped her but she still had to bite her lip from Oliver’s accusatory look. 

“Let’s get inside before we draw any attention. Seriously, you could have just used my door like a normal person.” 

“I thought you liked when I snuck in at nighttime,” he said, in a voice familiar and flirtatious. 

Helena hated him, especially his goatee. In Italy real men had moustaches, not goatees (according to the men who taught her how to kill anyways). 

She glared at him and watched him limp up Dinah’s apartment’s stairs in his stupid emerald green fabric. Ugh. She also hated green. What a terrible colour scheme to sneak around in. 

“Get in quick before anyone sees you,” Dnah ushered him in and gave Helena a very significant look that Helena recognised as ‘unimpressed.’ Like that time Helena thought she was helping Dinah fight off some goons only to realise Dinah had wanted to fight them herself. 

Helena shut the door behind her. “What are you mad at me for? I thought he was breaking into your apartment!” 

Dinah crossed her arms and did that thing where she raised an eyebrow to get Helena to agree to things, like how they accidentally formed The Birds Of Prey when Cass ate that diamond, or to buy the coconut cream biscuits over the vanilla ones. Helena preferred the eyelash fluttering and sweet smile to this particular look the same way she preferred the vanilla cream biscuits. 

It would seem she allowed Dinah too much power over her. Shit. 

“Oh we have  _ so _ much to talk about! I know exactly where you’ve been all day, gossipping to Harley,” Dinah had a smile but her voice was icy and pissed off, “sit down.”

Helena only sat down because she wanted to, not because she was at  _ all  _ intimidated by Dinah. 

“Fine.” 

“And you, Oliver,” Dinah turned on her heel and glared him down, “common courtesy is to, I don’t know  _ call _ or something? Text? Not fucking sneak in my window.”

“I’m in  _ costume _ ! I didn’t think the front door was a good idea and your window  _ was  _ open.” 

“Huge violation of privacy.”

“I used to not need an invitation, Dinah, it used to be your way of telling me to come cuddle.” 

Helena froze. This new piece of information was… well, it snapped her rage band very loudly and before she knew it, she was standing up and yelling. 

“You  _ cuddled  _ this guy? Why? Were you fucking cold? Because there was absolutely no way, no  _ fucking way _ you would ever -  _ this  _ guy? This fucking green tights goatee shithead!?”

Dinah and Green Tights both looked absolutely shocked at her outburst but Helena couldn’t stomach the idea of  _ this ziplining Robin Hood halloween costume assshole _ snuggling up to Dinah. Dinah! And him! 

“Helena I think you’re overreacting there. Just a bit.” 

“He has a fucking BOW and ARROW,” Helena said to Dinah, trying to get her to see reason. “Seriously?!”

“Look, I don’t know what your problem is-” he started to talk, a scowl on his face, “but I am  _ The  _ Green Arrow.”

Helena sucked in a sharp breath, trying to stop from yelling anymore and eyeing the man with all the emotion she felt from his statement (unimpressed). 

“I’m The Emerald Archer of Star City!” 

“Oliver, she literally has  _ no  _ clue who you are.” Dinah rolled her eyes. 

“Probably just some rich white guy who got bored,” Helena mumbled, serious in her assessment. 

Dinah snickered. 

“Woah, harsh,” he pointed a finger at her. “And I guess since Dinah insists on using my name…” 

He removed the mask on his eyes and his hood, showing blonde hair and green eyes. Helena was still unimpressed and she suddenly felt self conscious. He looked  _ cuddly _ . She knew she was… not very cuddly. Did Dinah want cuddly?

Did Dinah  _ prefer  _ blondes? She dyed her hair blonde so… there was that. Clearly Dinah liked blonde. And gold. But green?

“I’m Oliver Queen,” he smugly said with his expression and Helena glared seriously, eyes taking in this new  _ threat _ . 

“Who?”

“Who? You don’t know who I am?” He looked surprised now and Helena remembered that he called her ‘Crossbow Killer.’

“Do you know who  _ I _ am?” She took her most intimidating stance, walking two steps forward and towering two inches over this ‘Oliver Queen’ guy (which was really satisfying). 

Dinah smacked her hand to her forehead at them both, but Helena was undeterred by the clear annoyance, too focused on her new enemy. This was  _ personal.  _

“They call me-”

“For fuck’s sake, Helena,” Dinah interrupted her by stepping in between them, and Helena pouted at the interruption. She had really vibed with the way her delivery was starting and Dinah had interrupted the vibe. “You already beat him up, leave him alone.” 

Helena’s ire at being interrupted was replaced with a proud smile at the reminder of how she had totally kicked this guy’s ass. 

“You, sit,” Dinah pointed at her before turning to Oliver, “you, talk.” 

Oliver looked between them with a dejected sigh, “I was hoping we could catch up  _ alone _ , Dinah.” 

Dinah sighed out her exasperation at the situation (Helena recognized her standard exasperated expression pretty easily, she had caught on to its appearance with every time Harley caused explosions as well as every time the Starbucks lady misspelled Dinah’s name on the cup). 

“Look if it’s got anything to do with crime, you can tell me in front of Huntress, she’s me teammate,” Dinah gestured to her and Helena lifted her chin up, smirking at his scowl, “but if it’s personal - think I made things pretty clear last time.” 

Helena’s interested as piqued. Last time what? What personal things?

Oliver reached forward to grab Dinah’s hand and beg her, “Dinah… please. Just give me two minutes. That’s all I ask.” 

There was a moment they shared with their eyes that had Helena’s expert assassin instincts kick in. She definitely needed to kill him. He was touching Dinah’s hand and he… and he existed. 

“Fine, two minutes. H, I’ll be right back.” 

Helena watched with shock as Dinah led Oliver into her bedroom and shut the door behind them. 

Dinah had just closed the bedroom door to give herself and Green Tights - no, Green  _ Spandex _ some privacy for a private conversation. The man who tried to bow and arrow zip line into her open bedroom window and joke about  _ cuddles _ . 

The bedroom Helena had gotten to hear Dinah’s moans in less than twenty-four hours ago after too much liquor. She clenched her fists and sat resolutely on the couch, closing her eyes to stop herself from picking up the television and throwing it through the door. 

Even she knew that was overkill. 

The door opens and Dinah steps out, alone. Realising Spandex left through the window, which was now closed, Helena huffed and glared at Dinah. 

“I can’t believe you’re friends with that guy.”

“You don’t know him, H.”

Helena bit her tongue. “Whatever.”

“Oh no, you do  _ not _ get to be jealous and moody after the stunt you pulled today. Why do I have to find out from a fucking fourteen year old on a skateboard, that you felt it was okay to tell Harley and Ivy about our hook up but not  _ me _ , hmm?”

Helena stood up, “You already know what we did - you were  _ there _ !” 

Dinah pinched the bridge of her nose and hissed, “ _ Helena _ !” 

“Was that guy - did you do with him what you did with me?” Helena was sick at the thought and she hated that the thought was more painful than getting her ribs broken. She felt the brimming of tears in her eyes, and Dinah must have noticed too because the anger on her face softened considerably. 

  
“No, Helena, not anymore. I haven’t seen him for over two years now… we are  _ over _ . He’s not the right person for me.” 

Helena was still pissed. 

That meant before she had met Dinah her and…  _ him _ . Quickly, she shook her head to rid her brain of the image - Dinah had a life before her. She had hardly known Dinah a year, she had no right feeling this way, like the lungs were crushing her from the inside. 

“Helena?” Dinah placed gentle hands on her cheek and her eyelashes fluttered. 

_ You got to tell her how you feel, Huntress. Be as genuine as possible,  _ Harley had advised her. 

Taking a deep breath, Helena truly meant to tell Dinah about all the emotions she was discovering from their association: swooning, pining, sighing (of many varieties), longing… horniness, frustration, jealousy, excitement, desire… 

Instead, her hands tugged Dinah face in and her lips kissed the ones she had gotten an intoxicated taste of already. This time sober and therefore so much better without alcohol. 

Harley had drawn out diagrams and zones, and when Dinah kissed her back just as hard they both forgot to talk. 

//

“Your eardrum is ruptured,” said the doctor. 

“WHAT?” Helena cupped her ears, unable to hear. 

“YOUR EAR. DRUM. IS. RUP. TURED.” The ER Doctor said louder and slower. 

Helena shot confused eyes to Dinah who was still covering her face and not at all involved. 

Turning back to the doctor, Helena repeated, “WHAT?” 

The doctor sighed and wrote it out on paper, while telling Dinah, “this is actually a very common injury these days. Chances are she was an unlucky recipient of Black Canary, usually only criminals but there have been the odd stranglers here and there. Anyways, two weeks and it should clear up if pain persists, bring her back.” 

“Thanks doctor,” Dinah barely managed to say through clenched teeth before refusing to meet Helena’s eyes after the doctor left them in the room. 

Helena, who read the paper, nodded with solemn understanding. “IT WAS WORTH IT.” 

“Fucking kill me right now,” Dinah begged whoever was listening. Of course that was when her encrypted phone buzzed and Renee's text told her,  _ we got a hit _ along with a pin dropped location. 

There was  _ no  _ way she was going to let Helena fight in this…  _ condition _ , so she stood up and told her. 

“I’ll be back.” 

“WHAT?”

“I’LL BE-” Dinah caught herself with a sigh and then wrote down on the paper,  _ I’ll be back in an hour or so _ . 

Helena looked upset but shrugged, so Dinah kissed her cheek and ran out of the hospital room because she was blushing again already. 

//

“That guy clocked me in my ribs,” Renee rubbed the tender spot, sighing at the small crew groaning unconsciously around them as Dinah zip tied the last goon’s wrists. 

“Where’s Bertinelli?”

Dinah averted eye contact, looking guilty. 

“No, no, no, no, no,” Rene looked upset, “you guys can’t have any drama break up this band after having sex!”

“Relax, we’re cool, she’s just… busy.” 

“Bertinelli, Helena Bertinelli, who was praying to throw some punches, suddenly too busy to throw them? Nope. Whatever you did, Dinah, undo it.” 

Dinah rolled her eyes, “just give her a couple of weeks and she’ll be back.” 

“Fucking lesbian drama,” Renee muttered. 

Dinah blushed when Renee’s back was turned before guiltily thinking of how she left Helena at the hospital. 

//

Helena slammed the door of her apartment loudly - not that she  _ heard  _ it loudly. 

“HOLY SHIT DUDE!” 

To Helena, it was but a muffled sound and she spun on her heel to see what had caused it.

Cass? In her apartment? Cass had a key of course, but that was for out of town missions only. (Helena trusted Cass to always finish the contents of her fridge so produce wouldn’t go bad.) 

“Dude you pissed or something? You slammed the shit out of that door!”

“WHAT?”

Cass blinked at her in confusion and Helena pointed at her ear. 

“CANARY,” she explained before sighing and dropping her motorcycle helmet on her counter. 

“Woah,” Cass blinked before handing Helena a new smartphone. Helena accepted it with a grateful smile. 

Cass quickly shot out a text message of her own and the new phone’s screen lit up with what Cass wanted to know. 

_ So what did you do to get Dinah to kick your ass with her canary cry? And don’t shout it  _

Helena’s face turned beat red and she looked like she was at a complete loss of words. 

“Uhhhhh… we didn’t fight, exactly, or we were fighting um… then we stopped?” 

Cass was fourteen, but unfortunately for Helena she was exceptionally good at reading situations and had also gotten way too much insight into Helena’s sex life because of Harley’s unfiltered oversharing. 

Feeling sympathetic to her friend, she stepped forward to pat her shoulder with one hand while texting her with the other. 

_ Now worries dude I can help you with girl problems  _

//

“I’m the one who told her that longer, softer licks are better. You guys may be The  _ Birds  _ of Prey but nobody wants someone pecking them like a bird down there.” 

“Oh my fucking god,” Dinah covered her eyes as Renee and Ivy - in a rare moment of bonding - doubled over in laughter at her predicament. 

She had come to the warehouse with Renee after kicking ass, only to find a worried Harley wanting to know how Helena was coping after Dinah ‘screamed her eardrums off during sex.’ 

Because, apparently, Cass - the little skateboarding brat - had managed to find out what happened because Helena - who talked about their hookups with everyone  _ but _ her, including fourteen year old skateboarding brats - had disappeared from the hospital and managed to expose what had happened. 

“I drew her diagrams and everything,” Harley confirmed before holding up a finger, “all  _ fifty  _ erogenous zones.”

“Fifty?” It was a male voice who interrupted them as Oliver Queen - in his Green Arrow disguise - alerted the room to his presence. “Fifty what?”

Harley narrowed her eyes dangerously as Ivy’s laughter stopped and she frowned. 

“Woah, didn’t mean to kill the mood,” Green Arrow held his hands up in surrender. “I’m here tracking a criminal from Star City, goes by ‘Clock King.’ Canary said I was welcome.” 

“Ugh such a douche,” Ivy rolled her eyes. “Hate that guy.” 

“Pass, hard pass,” Harley shivered her disgust. “Creep with all his clocks. No sense of humour.”

“You’re just mad he didn’t get your big black clock joke, babe.” Ivy chuckled. “You know, it would be awesome to see Huntress get frustrated with his booby traps and break all his clocks.”

“No, Huntress is  _ incapaciated _ , remember,” Dinah grit through her teeth, “no missions for her.”

The reminder of why Huntress was incapaciatedt caused the three women to burst out into laughter all over again. 

Renee wheezed, “oh man, of all the ways I thought Helena would be forced to sit a mission out!”

Ivy laughed even harder now and Dinah slammed her fist down. 

“Focus you guys come on! We can take a guy called  _ Clock King _ without her. Fucking dumbass name.” 

“I feel like I’m missing the joke, what took out, er, Huntress?” Green Arrow asked with curiosity, remembering how swiftly she had disarmed him. His ego was still very much bruised. 

“Canary did!” Harley’s laughter got even louder. 

“Shut up Harley!” Dinah  _ really  _ did not need her ex knowing anything about this. 

//

“Are you sure this will work?” Helena asked Cass one last time before looking down at her phone to read the words as Cass nodded encouragingly. 

_ Trust me. I had like 7 people ask me to the homecoming dance. How many people have you had ask you to a dance? _

Helena nodded, Cass was clearly an expert in getting dates. 

“Alright,” Helena stood tall and led Cass to the warehouse doors. Dinah’s car was parked outside which meant she was here, not that Helena doubted Cass’s intel on the matter. (Cass knew where they were and what they were doing like all the time. It was almost scary.)

The plan was simple, let her ears heal and then text Dinah asking her for a date. Then plan the date with Cass, then go on the date with Dinah, then ask Dinah if she was ‘girlfriend material’ and if Dinah said ‘yes’ Cass said Helena should then proceed to asking Dinah to be her girlfriend, but if Dinah said ‘no’ Helena was to ask how to become her girlfriend. 

Helena had to admit it, Cass had really thought this through. 

(And she may have promised to teach Cass how to drive a motorcycle when Dinah  _ was  _ her girlfriend as a thank-you.) 

_ You have to go inside, I’m right behind you _

Helena read the text and felt Cass’s comforting hand on her shoulder. Taking a deep breath, she entered their secret lair. Operation Girlfriend was on. 

Dinah looked incredible even while yelling at everyone. Helena heard the muffled version of the sounds due to her current hearing limitations, but it was nice to see the smiles on Renee, Harley, and even Ivy - but then she realised there was a certain Spandex Green addition and her smile turned into a deep frown. 

Suddenly very pissed about everything and all her friends smiling and laughing with this lame green man who  _ cuddled _ Dinah once upon a time, Helena slammed the warehouse door behind her with anger. She felt the thud of it’s metal and glowered when everyone stopped to look at her in surprise. 

Angry, she stormed past everyone and right up the stairs to the small enclosed loft and made sure to slam that door too. 

//

“What the hell happened to her?” Ivy asked Cass who looked as surprised as them all. “Is she pissed about the ears?”

Dinah winced when from the loft up the stairs she could still hear what sounded like more angry slamming and even a loud ‘FUCK THIS’ cursed. 

“Be cool,” Dinah felt concern for Helena, guilty for rupturing her eardrums in a moment of passion. 

“I dunno,” Cass jumped up onto the desk and dangled her feet, “she was all ready to ask Dinah out on a date and then - who’s green tights? Oh! Are you the Green Lantern?!”

“NO! I’m the Green  _ Arrow _ ,” he crossed his arms proudly before spinning on his heel to look at Dinah, “ask you on a date?”

Dinah blushed and scratched her arm, avoiding everyone’s eyes. God she really needed a cigarette. 

Meanwhile, Oliver seemed to play back his interaction in Dinah’s apartment and what he now realized was jealousy from Huntress. He cleared his throat, “so, the Clock King...” 

“Harley, Ivy?” Dinah turned hopeful eyes to them, her concern for Helena eventually winning. 

“We got this one for you Canary,” Harley said to her sweetly, “I do hate that guy so…”

“Go,” Renee also urged her, a soft smile on her lips before she turned serious, “but don’t rupture her eardrums anymore.” 

Dinah blushed, hating that her eyes met Oliver’s in that moment and she could see the awkward understanding in his eyes. 

She coughed into her hand, “be cool with Arrow you guys… he’s an ally, okay? Ivy?” 

“Fine,” Ivy seemed reluctant but agreed. “Come on Cass, you can tag along and learn how to beat up creepy clock lovers.” 

“Cool.” 

Dinah sighed relief when they all left the warehouse to take a deep breath and walk up the stairs to Helena’s room. She knocked and there was nothing. 

She knocked again, and still nothing. And impatiently, even though she knew Helena was probably not hearing the knocks, she opened the door and cautiously peeked in. 

She found Helena lying on the floor and staring up at the ceiling, frown set, lips pursed angrily, and if Dinah was honest… adorable. Dinah walked over and kicked a leg gently before offering a hesitant smile and sitting down crossed leg. 

Helena’s glare seemed to soften and she pushed herself up with her arms. 

Helena was practically deaf and Dinah was raging embarrassed for causing it, so instead of talking she reached forward for Helena’s hand, tangling their fingers together and this time offering a warm smile. It worked and Helena smiled back, a rare smile that even showed her teeth. 

//

“That wasn’t even a satisfying fight, the clock puns sucked all the fun out of everything,” Cass grumbled as they watched the Clock King and his crew get taken away by the police from their vantage point on the roof. 

“Like, he is just the worst. Ugh.” Ivy agreed before eyeing the Green Arrow, “so you seriously couldn’t take him by yourself?”

“He’s smart!” Green Arrow defended lamely. 

“My skateboard crew could have taken him,” Cass accused the Green Arrow. 

“I bet you just wanted to spend time with Dinah,” Renee slyly accused him, knowing his personal identity and past history with her friend. “No way you suck that much.” 

“Oh my god, the blonde hair and history with our girl,” Harley clapped in excitement, “you’re  _ totally  _ Oliver Queen. I knew it!”

“You’re Oliver Queen?” Cass shoots surprised eyes to him, “what is with all you rich white kids deciding to fight crime? You know, if I was a billionaire I’d pour my money into solving the economic crisis and still buy myself an island. Just saying.” 

“I’m not -” Oliver groaned, before conceding his identity. “I hate Gotham.” 

“Wow, Dinah  _ really  _ has a type, huh?” Harley eyed him carefully. “Even Helena is an Arrow-happy billionaire... Though  _ she  _ didn’t grow up with a silver spoon.” 

“She’s not a billionaire,” Cass corrected her guardian, “I saw her bank statement when she set up our accounts. She’s like a hundred-millionaire.”  __

“Bertinelli is fucking stingy is what she is,” Renee announced to them, “she always buys the cheap whiskey.” 

Oliver turned in interest, “wait… Huntress is Helena  _ Bertinelli, _ of the massacre?” 

“The one and only!” Harley said with pride, “Best revenge story. Totally. Gets me all warm and fuzzy just thinking about it.” 

“I bet you they’re smashing right now,” Ivy told the roof, “How do you think that’s going to work after Dinah already screamed out her eardrums?” 

“Hey! Not in front of the kid,” Harley told off her girlfriend before ignoring her own boundary. “So, Queen, did Dinah ever scream out your eardrums? I know you guys dated a few months in Star City.”

His cheeks turned red and he flinched while helplessly hoping, “not in front of the kid?” 

“That’s a no,” Renee snickered, not caring at all when Oliver glared at her. 

“Interesting,” Harley zoned out into her ‘psychiatrist’ mode, “Helena’s revenge focused energy was a catalyst for her own sexual repression, yet at the same time Dinah had never been physically matched or satisfied enough in bed to let go and embrace her powers… perhaps a history of difficult orgasmic attainment…”

“Hey! We had fun, she had no difficulty with me! I could tell,” Oliver seemed to take it personally. 

“Probably a coping mechanism to hide her sexual dysfunction,” Harley said to him. 

Ivy had no problem clarifying it, “she obviously faked it.”

“What happened to caring about my age in all of this?’ Cass rolled her eyes, grumbling to herself. 

Next to her, Renee’s eyes lit up as her phone buzzed. 

“I gotta go! Got a date. Is Cass with you?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Ivy tugged the girl into a side hug, “I believe I promised her something fried after seeing her take out that weirdo with the grandfather clock.” 

“I’m hungry,” Cass leaned into the hug. 

“Montoya, I can show you the diagrams if you want?” Harley offered, receiving the middle finger in return as Renee left. “Sheesh. I’m just trying to help.” 

“Let’s go Harley,” Ivy and Cass left after Renee. 

Halrey waved at the Green Arrow as if remembering he was there, “Bye Ollie!”

“I hate Gotham,” he hung his head when he was left alone on the roof.

//

//

“So,” Oliver had shown up that morning at Dinah’s apartment without tights and coffee, hanging outside the front of her door in a suit. 

“It was nice to see you again,” Dinah leaned on her doorframe, not inviting him in but offering a genuine smile. 

“Did you… did you fake orgasms with me?” He had to ask, rubbing the back of his neck. 

Dinah choked on her coffee, sputtering and cursing but not denying it. 

With a sigh, Oliver offered a smile, “okay, maybe not the best conversation. You know Dinah, you’ve really cleaned Gotham up well, you even got Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy as allies… The Justice League may need your help sometime.”

“Just use my front door or text me next time, Oliver,” Dinah teased him but stepped in to give him a quick hug, “and stay safe.”

He hugged her back and nodded, trying not to show how much he had hoped his visit went differently. 

“So you and, uh, Bertinelli.” 

Dinah raised her eyebrow at him, “what about it?”

“Is it serious?”

Dinah confessed to him after a moment, “it’s very special.” 

//

//

Helena was feeling awesome. Better than awesome. Great. Better than great, actually, she was feeling the fucking best she had ever felt in her life. 

This was better than seeing the life slip out of the body of someone who machine-gunned your entire family! This was better than fresh cream in fresh cannoli! This was better than maxing the speedometer on her motorcycle! 

This was almost as good as having sex with Dinah. Maybe on par. Maybe even better since she was definitely also having sex with Dinah after this. 

‘This’ was her first date with Dinah (and her first date, but her first date with Dinah). Her ears had healed in the last couple of weeks, and Dinah had agreed to be her girlfriend and date her and was almost always kissing her. They had practiced a lot of sex, Helena was feeling prety confident about the sex. 

Unlike when she felt bored and itching to punch things, now all she wanted to do was hang out with her girlfriend and have sex. 

Checking her appearance one last time in the mirror, Helena nodded, smiled, and rushed out of her apartment. 

//

“She’s late,” Dinah crossed her arms, leaning against the brick wall of the admissions building. “She’s never late.” 

“It’s her first date, she’s nervous,” Cass looked up from her phone, eyebrow quirked, “hey, even you’re nervous. Ha.” 

Dinah huffed, “I’m not nervous, it’s a carnival and I’m with you guys… why would I be nervous?”

“You  _ are  _ nervous,” Renee teased her next. “Relax, Cass and I are here - only because we promised Harley she can have alone time with Ivy and we want to try the new roller coaster - but we’re here. Think of it like a hangout with friends so the date pressure is off. You and Helena always hang out.” 

Dinah gulped: last time was drunk and it ended up in sex. Every other time they were always fighting as The Birds Of Prey or hanging out as The Birds Of Prey. Even though she had spent the last couple of weeks having a lot of sex with Helena, this was different. She really didn’t want to mess it up, she was nervous. She wanted Helena to enjoy it. 

“The roller coaster has five loops!” Cass said in excitement. “And it’s her first date ever, she can impress you with the carnival games. My idea.” 

Dinah furrowed her brows, “wait, wait, what do you mean it’s her first date?”

“Duh. She was a virgin in more ways than one,” Cass told her. “Why do you think she takes dating advice from me? I’m fourteen. She’s twenty-four.”

“Wait, she was a virgin?” Renee furrowed her brows and pondered in deep thought, “huh. So much makes sense all of a sudden.” 

Cass looked up from her phone and barked out a laugh when she saw Dinah’s face, “Dude, your face.” 

“Are you telling me I…” Dinah’s mind flashed a movie of all the naked activities she had been involved in with Helena and all the ways Helena really seemed to really  _ know  _ what she was doing.  _ Alright Harley, I will never make fun of your diagrams again. _

“You guys should probably talk on this date,” Renee advised her, an eyebrow raised as if to say ‘not just fuck, acutally talk.’ 

Dinah rolled her eyes, “her ears just healed Renee, fuck off.” 

Cass snickered and then they all perked up when the roar of a familiar motorcycle rumbled and Helena’s lithe figure killed her engine. 

Dinah gulped, mesmerized as Helena shook her hair free of her motorcycle helmet like a shampoo commercial, moving one hand through the stylish parting as she leaned back in her bike’s seat. 

She hadn’t noticed them yet and Dinah’s heart skipped out of her chest at the very sexy sight. 

“Damn,” Dinah whispered under her breath, eyes raking from Helena’s stylish biker boots, tight black jeans tucked into them and up to the tight purple of her mock neck shirt. The fitted soft black leather jacket looked hot, and she had her favourite fingerless gloves on. Dinah felt a surge of wetness between her thighs that was becoming the norm whenever she saw Helena. 

This was just pathetic, all Helena had done was pull up on a bike and Dinah was ready to put out. 

How on earth had that specimen before her been a virgin until their drunk hookup? Helena was ethereal and sexy. 

“Fuck,” Dinah said, knowing she was absolutely smitten. 

“What?” Helena turned at the sound, spotting her and freezing her hand’s motion. The wind blew her hair just so and Dinah caught herself from whimpering when she remembered how good it felt to tug on that hair mid climax. 

“Nothing,” she smiled, loving the adorable look on Helena’s face as the woman’s eyes looked her over with shy wonder. 

Clutching her helmet, Helena swiftly dismounted her bike and smiled wide before stepping forward - only to trip on the raised curb she hadn’t seen, falling forward and dropping her helmet. 

“Well  _ fuck _ ,” Helena pushed herself up from her fall, scrambling to her feet and cheeks red. 

Dinah had seen Helena do a lot of things, but this flustered, nervous, red flush and stumble was new and different from the woman who had single-handedly broken seven arms in a brawl last month. 

Now the virgin part was blindingly obvious. 

Back up on her feet, Helena reached down for her helmet only to be foiled when her boot reached it first and kicked it out of her grasp.

“ _ Shit _ .” 

Renee and Cass were snickering behind her. 

“Shit!” Helena was cursing again from her other foot. 

Suddenly, all of Dinah’s nerves about their date disappeared, and her heart gushed in great affection as Helena finally managed to grab her helmet and stand up straight with an awkward cough and very,  _ very  _ red face. 

Dinah was in love. Fuck. 

This was the same woman whose expert coordination in a fight never ceased to amaze her, and here she was in front of Dinah and Dinah had never been so turned on in her damn  _ life _ . 

“Hey Dinah,” Helena mumbled shyly. 

Dinah smiled warmly at her before pushing off the wall and casting a glare over her shoulder to Cass and Renee, “don’t you two have a roller coaster to go stand in line for?”

They ran off and Dinah turned her attention back to Helena with a soft sigh, pleased to find brown eyes shyly looking at Dinah’s face and body before back at her helmet.

“You look really hot,” Dinah stepped forward and slipped her hands around a smooth neck before tugging Helena down for a kiss. “I like this jacket on you.” 

She groaned when Helena kissed her back harder from the compliment (complimenting Helena’s style was something she was proud Dinah had learned). 

They both lost themselves in kisses, soft delicious lips and - fuck, Dinah was ruining her panties and the date hadn’t even started yet. She moaned her approval of Helena’s delicate tongue and stepped back, biting her bottom lip with her teeth when she realised Helena was as affected as her from the lusty haze in brown eyes. 

Smoothing her hands down from a flushed neck to shoulders and over soft leather, Dinah smiled sweetly, “you heard me right?”

Helena snapped out of her daze and nodded quickly, “yeah, yeah, my ears… all healed. And you look um, really… beautiful. Though you always look beautiful but- ” 

Dinah kissed her again, and maybe they really did need to talk to figure out their relationship status or discuss the fact that their first time, as drunk and fantastic as it was, had been Helena’s first time period, or how Dinah giving Helena temporary deafness had been the best orgasm of her life and sex had never been better, but for now she just really needed to kiss Helena Bertinelli and maybe tug her into a bathroom stall or across the street to that oddly placed motel. 

//

“So really, there are fifty _ -one _ erogenous zones,” Harley was updating her diagram, “how would you describe that zone babe? Does it even have a name?”

“Harley, that was your ass. I was touching your ass.” Ivy groaned, covering her eyes with her forearm. 

“It was  _ after  _ my ass cheek and  _ before  _ my thigh, babe. Focus, this is important research. The exact  _ angle _ we need to figure out!”

  
  
  
  
*fin* 


End file.
